Girl Crushin’

I have a new girl crush. C’mon ladies – you know what I’m talkin’ about (and if you don’t – listen up).

AAAAAAND SCENE:

Lauren walks into spin/yoga class, spots instructor, gets a wee nervous.

Lauren: Oh, hi Danielle! (Flips bangs.)

Danielle: Hey Lauren! So glad you made it to class! (Continues to greet every other person that walks into spin/yoga studio.)

Lauren: Yeah, me too! (Lauren says over-eagerly. Once she notices that Danielle isn’t listening anymore, Lauren starts to over-adjust her spinning bike…embarrassed. Class starts. Of course, Danielle plays Lauren’s favorite techno song to begin workout. Lauren incorrectly believes this is because Danielle and Lauren are besties.)

Danielle: Okay everyone! Ready to work extra hard today? I know we’re all ready for it. Turn it up to level eight and increase your cadence.

Lauren: (Huffing, puffing. Starts sprinting on spinning bike to the point of exhaustion. Note: It’s only three minutes into the class.)

Danielle: Ummm, Lauren – good job! Don’t forget to save some energy for after our warm-up.

Lauren: Oh…of course! (Lauren is meanwhile thinking, “I’m dying…I’m not gonna make it.”)

AAAAAND SCENE.

No need to go further into what a girl crush looks like. Obvi: Jen, please don’t take this personally. You’ll always complete me.

The Kirsten Dunst Dental Plan

Six months flies by doesn’t it? Especially when, at the end of said time, you have to go the dentist. Welcome to my world, everyone. I’m going to my oral practitioner on Tuesday. Here’s the thing: I’d rather give myself 10,000 paper cuts on the tips of my fingers prior to marinating my hands in lemon juice than go to my dentist. That’s how much I hate it. So imagine my reaction when I heard this story, via Reuters:

“A British dentist was found guilty Thursday of urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears. A medical tribunal said it was satisfied the evidence showed 51-year-old Alan Hutchinson, who ‘routinely’ did not wear gloves or wash his hands, had risked the health of ‘himself, staff and patients’ for more than 28 years.”

Oh dear god. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. No WONDER Brits have such bad teeth! Who the hell would want to subject themselves to something like that?

All of this leads me to believe the best oral hygiene strategy might be what I like to call the “Kirsten Dunst Dental Plan”: avoid dentist, embrace fugly teeth.

Truthfully, I’m not a huge fan of Miss Dunst. I think she can be rather obnoxious at times. But if the woman has somehow figured out a way to avoid the dentist without her agent, stylist, manager and PR team going nuts on her, then I say, “Bravo, Kirsten! Bravo!”

Now please excuse me…I’m off to floss…

Is that a Urinal in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Oh glorious, glorious day! It’s Friday…the beginning of the weekend…and two days of freedom await me. What better way to celebrate then to enjoy a nice cold lager at my local drinking hole?

But wait…what’s that? What’s that guy carrying? Whatever it is, it’s HUGE. Is that a…? No, it couldn’t be. There’s no way…like that would ever happen. Wait, wait a second…it is…I think it is…

Oh. My. God. IT IS!

The above was the inner dialogue of a young lad in England who, just hours ago, personally witnessed the robbery of a urinal from a town pub. You think I’m kidding? Think again, my friend. Reuters is reporting that british police are in pursuit of a man who stole a TOILET from a men’s bathroom at a pub. The article goes on to say:

“The suspect walked into the Royal Oak pub in Southampton, on the English south coast, ordered half a pint of beer and then made several visits to the men’s toilet. There he carefully removed a white urinal from the wall, stuffed it into a rucksack and was captured on closed circuit television walking out with the bulging sack on his back.”

Sir, whoever you are, please think about what you’re doing. Sir, I think you need to return the urinal - unharmed - to the pub immediately. This is not a joke. I’m guessing somebody needs to use that thing as we speak. And if men have to start sharing the women’s bathroom at the pub, well, it could get ugly… somebody could get hurt. Sir, do it for me. Please.

Please bring the urinal home.

(If anyone has seen the above urinal, please alert the authorities immediately)

It’s Not You, 2006…It’s Me.

Yesterday I had one of those days when NOTHING was going right. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but for all you ladies reading…among everything else….my hairdryer broke. Yes, that small appliance that you take for granted every day until a night when you need to look stunningly beautiful and it goes and dies on you.

As a result, I went out on the town for New Year’s Eve looking somewhat like Bridget Jones after her encounter with a convertible car:

Men, for those of you rolling your eyes and yawning at this entry, let me put it in context for you so you really understand what I’m talking about. It’s like your flatscreen, HDTV breaking. Yeah, I know – bad right????

And so sums up my relationship with 2006. Ohhh, ‘06, you really kicked my ass this year. But I’m a firm believer that whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger…so in that vein, 2006 -I gotta hand it to you, you really challenged me. And with that, I think it’s time we go our seperate ways. Yes, 2006, I’m breaking up with you so I can go galavant with my new BFF, 2007. I hope we can still be friends.

(That’s obviously a picture of 2007 and me walking down a country road, holding hands and smiling. If you’re wondering, 2007 is the one in the pink jumpsuit.)

My New Blog…Take Three

Sadly enough, this is my third attempt at starting a blog. My first blog (SineLanguage) got off to a good start, but died a horrible death when I decided I didn’t like the title of the blog anymore…RIP Sine Language.

My second blog (which I haven’t given up hope on), focuses on life in Corporate America as a twenty-something. If you’re interested, you can check it out here: ReferencesRequired. After writing one post (yes, only one post), I realized that not only would the content be hard to come up with daily, but my readers might get bored of reading ABOUT work when they’re AT WORK. Don’t get me wrong…I’m always ready to revive ReferencesRequired if I get a resounding plea from readers that they just can’t get through their day without reading a little RR. (A girl can dream, can’t she?)

And that brings us to Memos to Myself…my newest, latest, improved blog that I’m going to stick with till the end of time. The whole idea behind this blog is to write about the inner dialogue I have daily about the small things in life that make you stop and think (or laugh…or cry…or wonder, “what the hell is going on???”) I don’t know about you, but I have some fantastic conversations that go on inside my head. Is that creepy?

Final note: My original idea for this blog was to call it “Note to Self,” but some chick named Linda already took that title and isn’t even using it! Sacre bleu! Although it could be her third attempt at starting a blog which somehow just lost its life and is now sitting idle on this fantastic world wide web we have at our fingertips.

Memos to Myself, I PROMISE..that will never happen to you. Pinky swear.

(Visualize cute, honest face here)