It’s Monday Morning and Lattes Just Won’t Cut It This Time

Okay, okay…I know I’ve talked a lot about wishing for an espresso cart at my place of employment (just like those lucky Googlers)…but on this Monday morning, a shot of caffeine just won’t do. I need something stronger…something with a little kick. I think I need a wine machine, and I think I need it STAT.

Enter the Enomatic Wine Serving System — a critical addition to my office that I just notified the HR Department about. It works somewhat simlarly to a vending machine – but the fact that it dispenses pinots, not cheetos, is enough to get me drooling on my keyboard. All you do is place your wine glass underneath the spout of your choosing and voila, your Monday morning just got better. Reds, whites (and if I had it my way, champagne)…there’s no discriminating when it comes to the Wine Serving System, which houses up to 16 wine bottles.

You can even trade in your Starbucks card for a Wine-O card…the Enomatic offers customers the ability to charge their drinks on plastic! Yippee!

So there you have it…the perfect reason to kick your caffeine addiction to the curb. If you ask me, I think we’d all be a little more efficient if we could just start our days off with a little morning merlot. Just ask this woman…she looks REALLY happy to be at work:

Another Year, Another Hangover

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate people, as it’s the morning of New Year’s Eve…and you know what THAT means…heinous hangovers are just a short 24 hours away. Just in time for the holiday, I happened upon a commercial last night for ChaserOnline, a “hangover prevention supplement” that supposedly relieves the goddawful side effects of heavy drinking.

I’m not proud of the fact that I’ve turned into a lightweight in my mature days, getting cottonmouth, an uneasy stomach, and incapacitating headaches after only two glasses of champagne. (Of late, I’m blaming it on the 5,280 foot altitude). So if ChaserOnline truly does live up to its claim, I’ll take three boxes please (and two more for my brother).

This magical anti-hangover supplement evidently works due to “specially processed calcium carbonate and charcoal. These two ingredients attract and absorb hangover-causing toxins and then safely pass them out of your system.” Ummm, did they just say charcoal? As in the kind of charcoal that’s “the blackish residue consisting of impure carbon obtained by removing water and other volatile constituents from animal and vegetation substances???” Naaaasty.

Admiteddly, my current cure for hangovers consisting of the consumption of bloody mary’s, coupious amounts of fried food, and gatorade isn’t the healthiest prescription…but consuming “blackish residue?” Me no likey. I’d rather drink numerous flutes of the cheapest rose champagne on the market and face the concequences. Or Veuve. Or Dom. Or Cristal. I’m flexible, really. Now excuse me, I’m off to hydrate.