The Spiderman Slap Heard Round the World

Ten Kleenex boxes and two rounds of antibiotics later, I’m still standing. Take THAT you stupid sinus infection. And I’m just in time to post this ridiculous video of Tobey Maguire on the day of his Spiderman 3 movie premiere.

Ignore the beer commercial at the beginning of this footage (although a pint of bubbly with this decongestant might be a fun little experiment) and take a gander at what happens when a French fan approaches Tobey for a picture outside his hotel. Cameras + fans = Spidey getting mighty pissed off. Pay close attention as the smackdown happens in a split second. But damn, the rage on Tobey’s face says it all.

So the prevailing opinions coming from the peanut gallery in response to this video are the following:

1) Tobey Maguire is a complete a*shole or conversely, 2) That French fan deserved it for getting in Tobey’s face

I, for one, am siding with #1. I don’t care how close the fans get, how many cameras are flashing in your face, or how many Paparazzi are camping outside your hotel. You’re a celebrity, you signed up for this, deal with it or become a regular 9-to-5er like everyone else. All this, “please respect my privacy, blah blah” doesn’t apply if you’re being paid $17 million dollars to star in an over-hyped sequel with Miss “I’m too good for all of you” Dunst.

So stop bitch-slapping your fans and get back to work doing what you do best: kissing women in the pouring rain while hanging upside down.

Why I Love Jen

It’s Tuesday, and you know what THAT means… it’s my second least favorite day of the week apart from, of course, sucky Monday. To brighten up everyone’s Tuesdays from now on, I’ll be providing you with either a “Love” or “Loathe” list every week on Tuesday. Why? Because it’s my blog and you’re not the boss of me.

That said, I see only one way to begin this new tradition. And this, of course, is to pay homage to my imaginary BFF, Jen. So with that, I give you the top reasons…

WHY I LOVE JENNIFER ANISTON:

1) Her hair. Duh.

2) She’s classy, people. Yeah, she’s gotten some flack for incorporating too much black into her wardrobe, but do you know what wearing all black means? It means you’re CLASSY. (Note: please do not confuse Classy with Goth…there’s an extreme difference there).

3) She’s dignified. Despite going through very public breakups with both Brad Pitt and Vince Vaughn, Jen remains composed and unscathed. Not once has she bad-mouthed her exes (a popular technique among Hollywood Celebs and High Schoolers). I’m similar to Jen in this way in that most of my ex-boyfriends are complete f’ing @#@#&#$&*, but I never say that out loud.

4) She likes margaritas. In fact, Jen likes margaritas so much, she was rumored to go out for Mexican food three times a week with her ex, Brad, to imbibe in some tequila candy and guacamole. Smart, smart lady.

5) She’s an Aquarius. OMG…so am I!!!!

6) She’s ten years older than me, but the b*tch looks ten years younger than me.

7) Her hair. Duh.

8 ) She seems real. Jen comes across as having an actual sense of humor and real human feelings…she’s not untouchable or plastic like…ohhhh, I don’t know… Angelina Homewrecker Jolie.

9) She’s crafty. A long time ago, Jen dated Counting Crows rocker, Adam Durtiz, and must’ve figured out at some point in their relationship how to put her hands through his hair. One word: talent.

Jen, you’re the bestest. Let’s grab soy lattes sometime this week and treat ourselves to manis and pedis.

Warms Your Heart, Doesn’t It?

It’s currently blizzarding in Colorado, and as I sit here…staring out at the snowy mountains… I can’t help but smile when I read a story like this, courtesy of Reuters:

“BERLIN (Reuters) – German police arrested a man for drunk driving after he mistook a police spot check for a breakdown and stopped to help.

Officers inspecting a car by the roadside suspected the 37-year-old passing motorist was under the influence of alcohol when he lurched from his vehicle to offer assistance, police in the northwestern town of Bremen said Friday.”

Who knew Mel Gibson was vacationing in Germany over the holidays?