And The Winner Is…

Attention everyone! The Gawker Shop is having a huge sale on its tshirts this Memorial Day weekend, so I urge you to go check out their selection.

You’ll find items like this:

And this:

I might personally spring for the “Don’t Free Paris” shirt, but I’m also pining over the “Your Assistant Hates You” tee. Choices, choices.

Speaking of tshirts, please help me in offering a huge CONGRATULATIONS and a YOU KICKED EVERYONE’S ASS to Sticky Notes readers, GSizzle and Amers, for winning the “Search for a Real Genius” contest! After deliberating carefully and methodically over the past month, I realized this baby has two champions. Now I know I owe you both some duds, but let’s face it…I’m only a blog writer and online editor…so when I get the funds, I’ll send you your booty. (Hehe, I just said booty.)

And now I implore you to exit the internet, put on some flipflops, and attend a rip-roaring BBQ. Because it’s Memorial Day and I said so.

I Think I’m Growing Up

Very recently, I’ve started doing the strangest things. Things like:

1) Taking a multivitamin every day. With food, no less. How responsible.

2) Taking calcium supplements on top of that. The chocolately, chewy kind that taste like Tootsie Rolls. I’m scared one late Saturday night after tying a few too many on, I might binge on my calcium chews. That would not be good.

3) Making the bed right after I roll out of it in the morning. It looks nice that way. Who knew?

4) Drinking tea. Yes, tea. (Which, btw, I never understood five years ago. I once asked a tea connoisseur, “What’s so delicious about hot water that tastes like fruit??” Wow, did I have much to learn.)

5) Kissing my fiance each night before we eat dinner. It’s like our dinnertime prayer.

6) Religiously flossing. And brushing. And using mouthwash. “Whatever you do, take care of your teeth,” they told me.

7) Complaining about my lower back, then stretching it dramatically in front of others.

8 ) Folding our underwear out of the dryer like my mom used to: in little, neat squares.

I think I’m growing up.

TSA Update: “Water. That Is a Liquid. Good!”

For all you fellow frequent flyers out there, I think you need to watch this important video clip released from the TSA (that’s Transportation Security Administration for all you aviophobics out there) regarding their policies with gels and liquids. I, myself, am taking off for LA next week and was in the midst of squeezing my shampoo into a tiny 3-ounce plastic bottle when I heard the news. So put down that clear quart-size plastic baggie you were loading up for your carry-on and take a look:

“Water. That is a liquid. Good!”

(via Consumerist)

The Spiderman Slap Heard Round the World

Ten Kleenex boxes and two rounds of antibiotics later, I’m still standing. Take THAT you stupid sinus infection. And I’m just in time to post this ridiculous video of Tobey Maguire on the day of his Spiderman 3 movie premiere.

Ignore the beer commercial at the beginning of this footage (although a pint of bubbly with this decongestant might be a fun little experiment) and take a gander at what happens when a French fan approaches Tobey for a picture outside his hotel. Cameras + fans = Spidey getting mighty pissed off. Pay close attention as the smackdown happens in a split second. But damn, the rage on Tobey’s face says it all.

So the prevailing opinions coming from the peanut gallery in response to this video are the following:

1) Tobey Maguire is a complete a*shole or conversely, 2) That French fan deserved it for getting in Tobey’s face

I, for one, am siding with #1. I don’t care how close the fans get, how many cameras are flashing in your face, or how many Paparazzi are camping outside your hotel. You’re a celebrity, you signed up for this, deal with it or become a regular 9-to-5er like everyone else. All this, “please respect my privacy, blah blah” doesn’t apply if you’re being paid $17 million dollars to star in an over-hyped sequel with Miss “I’m too good for all of you” Dunst.

So stop bitch-slapping your fans and get back to work doing what you do best: kissing women in the pouring rain while hanging upside down.

Colds are a B*tch, Pass the Nyquil.

Yes, yes…I’m still here (barely). Unfortunately, Miss Memos has been suffering an awful cold/sinus infection for the past five days and has now apparently resorted to speaking in the third person. Miss Memos also currently has a Kleenex box wrapped around her neck with a shoelace – so what?

Two words about colds: they suck. Truly, is there anything worse than lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, willing one of your nostrils to clear so you don’t have to breathe through your mouth anymore? Then, inevitably, your throat starts to hurt. Of course your nose gets sore from using those damn, rougher-than-sandpaper Kleenex so much. You obviously lose all sense of taste and smell and the thought of eating chicken noodle soup one more night welcomes your gag reflex. Predictably, you get that awful head-rush feeling when you stand up. Basically, you’re sick enough to feel like s*@t, but not sick enough to stop performing your usual daily duties…like, ohhh…I don’t know, working.

And then the worst thing possible happens. A chirpy coworker comes up to you and says, “Wow, you look awful! Are you sick?”

And you say, “Yeah, I have a cold.”

And they say, “Oh, just a cold?”

And you say, “Yeah, just a cold. But if feels like the flu.”

And then they say, “Well, do you have a fever?”

And then you say, “No, I don’t…but I feel really sick.”

And then they say, “Oh, that’s not too bad, then!”

And then you get really pissed off and sulk off to the bathroom to take more Nyquil, even though it’s only 3 PM on a Tuesday. Mwahahaha – that’ll show HER!

So here’s the deal…if I can breathe through at least one nostril tomorrow, I’ll be back to my regular posting schedule. If not, please send your thoughts and prayers my way, as well as any Vick’s VapoRub contributions.

I’m off to find the nearest Native American sweatlodge.